Being Present

I had a pretty good week this week.
A few Dr visits. And a visit with my Dr I will not forget. A reminder that God is always at work and He just asks us to join us where He is already working. Everytime I step foot in my Dr's office; I am reminded that He is working. He is using her as a light. And I get to be a part of what He is doing in that office. Share His love. That is what drives me when I get discouraged that I am still visiting Drs after 8 months or so of being sick on and off. God has a great purpose.

I have just been so exhausted lately as Drs try to figure out why and how they can help. This week I had a friend who felt led to make sometime in her visit to Chicago to come and spend sometime with me. All we did was sit in my house. Pray and talk. And more praying and more talking. It may not sound like much...but later I realized what an amazing gift that friend had given me...the gift of just being present. I am so thankful to God for that gift. I had heard a sermon at church about that very thing last Sunday. And here I was experiencing that.Of course praying was amazing. But just being here; just being present was so uplifting.
I also thought that is what has been encouraging to me as well..my Dr has the gift of being present. That is a rarity with Drs. But I am thankful for that gift in my Dr.

Made me realize a few things. Am I present to my friends? And wow...God just wants us to allow Him to just be present. To acknowledge He is right here with us! He was reminding me "Weez...I am right here".
I really just am moved to tears to think of such a gift I received this week. Not only the that wonderful gift of friendship but that gift of being present. I love that God knows more what we need sometimes than we even know to ask for. Now that is amazing.

Discouragement and encouragement

It's Friday and that alone can put a smile on my face. Isn't funny how that one day can just allow us to step back and smile...it's Friday.

This is my first week of going down to part-time at work in efforts to try to get more rest. Trying to get healthy is hard work! Honestly--- it has been a hard week. I love my job. Love what I do...but I just can't do it all. It's hard when I am an "on-the-go" kinda of person and I have to think about everything I want to do and try to decide what realistically can I do. It can get very discouraging when you feel like your choice is kinda taken away from you. I get discouraged feeling I am just not "me" sometimes. Discouragement can really get you stuck in a place. But I love how God uses people to bring about the encouragement we need.
A friend sent me a note the other night with some bible scriptures that I needed to hear. And just this morning a friend messaged me on facebook to say she was thinking about me; praying for me. Bam! Like that...God sends encouragement! Makes me more aware that when God lays someone on my heart; I need to do a better job of responding. Encouraging as I know how much that meant to me.
Another great encouragement this week God allowed is my Dr just saying "Im praying for you". Those 4 bring so much encouragement. It's God's reminder "You are not alone" and "I have not forgotten you".

This morning I found encouragement just reading in my fave devotional "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. Says this " Go gently through this day, keeping your eyes on Me. I will open up a way before you, as you take steps of trust along your path. Sometimes the way before you appears to be blocked, If you focus on the obstacle or search for a way around it, you will probably get off course. .....Before you know it, the "obstacle" will be behind you and you will hardly know ow you passed through it.....My Presence enables you to face each day with confidence"... (that is a portion of the devotional from book)

Wow. Honestly...I sometimes focus only on my "obstacle" on this sickness...and I loose site of my focus on the one thing that will bring me peace ---Him. God. And I know He uses our "obstacles" for His purpose. It is a great reminder to me to get my focus on Him. And He is helping me to focus on Him. Just by that friend sending me a note today---those encouraging words go along way!

Sometimes I hear people talk negatively about facebook; or social media. But for me...I am thankful that it can be used for so much positive. My friend was able to send me a quick note. Made me smile today. Made me smile knowing God is thinking of me. He is thinking of you today too. Isn't that an amazing thought? So my friend I leave you with this today; if you feel led to encourage someone...they may really need that today. God may be using you to bless someone else and remind them; they are not alone.
Hebrews 10:25 "...let us encourage one another..."

I was speaking with a friend of mine. Talking about what has been going on with me in the last 8 months. She had a great idea that I should blog about this. So I thought why not! I do not know what journey God has you on; but be assured He will have you on one if you are not already. And there is always growth that happens when we trust Him even when things do not make sense.

For me this is the recent journey God has me on.

 Last February I had my annual bought with bronchitis. It turned into pneumonia and I was quite sick. Even when I was frankly a bit scared as I could not breath or barely get out of bed; I knew God was doing something. In the midst of that sickness God started really speaking to my heart. At church we were doing the "Experiencing God" bible study (great study!). The study really is a great reminder to us that God is always at work; He just asks us to join Him where He is already working. I had a few nights where I just could not sleep. I had such a heavy burden to pray for my Dr. She had been such a blessing to me at that time. God had just laid her on my heart and asked me to pray. So I did. He also asked me to pray for my wonderful nurses. One night before an appointment back in March; I really felt like God was wanting me to write a thank you note to my Dr. And tell her what a blessing she has been. And to give her some cds (I am very passionate about Christian music). And I felt like God wanted me to do the same for my nurse at that time. Honestly...I was a little fearful at "what would the reaction be?"; "what are they going to think?". But I knew I had to do that. I wrote my notes. Gathered the cds and went to my appointment. When I spoke to my Dr; she was so thankful. That is when we discovered we were both Christians. For me; what a great moment that God reminded me "Weez; you are not alone. I have provided a Dr who is seeking me..yes; you are not alone". We had a great conversation. I then was able to talk to my nurse. Say thank you to her. I realized---thank you God I was able to be obedient! What a blessing that day was for me!

It was a strange night that night. My breathing was very labored.  I remember feeling God speaking to my heart "It is about to get dark; but trust me". The next day I was in the hospital. I was nervous but I had remembered hearing that in my heart. So I thought there must be a reason God has me here. Of course the reason was to get me breathing better again! With the help of all the team; I was. Some answers came. A chronic breathing problem had been discovered. We just never knew about it. It is called Bronchiactesis. On a humorous note; because of this condition that was happening; I would get 3 words out and my oxygen would cut off. We started calling me "Christopher Walken". Hey; anything for a good laugh at a stressful time; is good by me!
What I am sharing you is more about what God has been doing and less about the very treatable health condition. I had some opportunities to share God's love with my wonderful team of nurses at the hospital. I started to realize; if I let God use this; He can. I started to pray; God use me. Use this for Your Glory. I remember telling my Dr in excitement "I get it! God has asked me to join Him where He is already working! and HE has been using you!". That was a cool "God moment!". That moment when you get a little picture of what God is doing.

So many night I felt like God was speaking to my heart unlike anything before. My prayer life was growing. I was praying for so many different people. I felt stronger spiritually then I had in a long time! I had a new saying "prayin as I am layin".

There have been many nights that breathing has been hard. Answers seems few and far between. I would do my breathing treatments and just listen to worship to focus on Him. When I have not been able to sleep--worship. I had such joy one day bringing in  stack of my favorite cds to the nurses and some of the staff. In case you are wondering; the cds I gave: Bellarive; Meredith Andrews Worth It All; For King & Country.

Here's a thought...God can use us as a light anywhere anyitme we are willing to be a light. I have to ask myself am I willing to be a light? His light? Am I willing to be a "medical missionary"? Pray for those Drs and nurses that He has placed in charge of my care? Yes and Yes. Now that makes this journey all a little more exciting. I tell myself that at the times I am so discouraged as physically I feel like half the person I used to be.

After March--I must have done too much. At that time I had pleurisy (painful infection if lining of the lungs). I was on bed rest for about 2 weeks. May came; my breathing was terrible! Thankful for sessions with a speech therapist to help me to breathe correct again (still getting there). I would start to feel better; then wam! Back down again. Exhaustion - well has become a familiar friend.
My Dr had given me a verse one day as I had asked her if she would pray. I have been standing on this: 2 Corinthians 12:9 "...My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness". I am so thankful she shared that with me. I have been trying to remember that everyday.

In and out of my Dr office; Pulmonary office; ENT office. To a voice specialist. All to help put Humpty Dumpty back together again:)
My amazing church had asked me to share my Story back in July. Via video. About my waiting on God. Well I have become familiar with waiting on Him so why not? I shared that story in August thinking I am on the end of this!
Only to get sick with bronchitis the next week. Knocked me down for a good 3 weeks. As soon as I got back up...I was hit again...still working on healing out of that one.
Yet I know God is in control.
Monday was a hard day...I got the news from my Dr that she wants me to take a leave of absence from everything. Pulmonary wants that too. But why? What is going on? All they can say is it can take a year to heal from this. I fought with her (in a civilized manner of course!). I know I have to do it. I love being on the air; Love my job. But I have to cut down. I have to REST IN HIM. I came home from that appointment and just cried....listening to worship. Hearing God speak to my heart "trust in me". God spoke this to me Isaiah 40:29 "He gives strength to the weak and increases the power of the weak"

Now we know my heart rate is elevated...so time for a cardiologist...why not add one more specialist to the list:) One more place that just maybe God wants me to go and share His love.
My life is changing. I know God is in control of it all. Its still so hard when things you love to do are stripped away. I know God is wanting me to trust Him. To keep looking to Him. To see He is in control of all of this. There are times when i am in tears thinking "God! All that I love feels like it is going away?"..then I am reminded that I need to rest in Him. I need to heal.
That maybe God is allowing all this to get stripped away as He is working into molding me into something new? Am I going to allow fear to control me? Or am I going to trust in Him. Fear can really stop us in our tracks if we let it. I am SOOO thankful for friends that are constantly pointing me to Him.
He is good and He wants what is the best for us; not what is just good for us. Not what we think we need; but what is Best for us. And I am sure when I am on the other side of this...I will look back in awe of all He has done.
My friend I dont know what journey you are on now; praying for you as you go through your journey. May God provide those loving friends that support you and help you to look up. May He remind you of His loving presence.
Well that is all (which is alot!) for today. Thank you to my friend that said maybe blog about your journey. Thank you for reading.
Here is a link to the video story I shared in my church.
Blessings,
Weez
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9btlbaKF9g

Wow! It has been too long!

I realized how long it has been since I have talked about my weight loss journey! So here is what I have to say; I love Weight Watchers! Plain and simple their plan works and it has worked for me! 44 pounds is what I lost! and I have been ABLE to maintain it since last May! Wooo Hooo! High five to me;)

I have to be honest and share some of my thoughts. I started this journey as one day I looked in the mirror in the summer of 2010 and realized I had gained a lot of weight! I had never really been someone that struggled with weight until I had my son about 14 years ago. BUT I did loose that baby weight. The first year after he was born. Bam! Back to my regular healthy weight. But HOW did I get to be 35 pounds over the healthy weight I should have been? It wasn't until that first meeting at WW when I was asked one on one by my leader "are you an emotional eater". I had never seen myself as an emotional eater UNTIL that moment! I remember seeing all these pictures in my head of me eating; me gaining weight. I knew what had happened in that brief moment! I had an older sister that had cancer...and somehow I had dealt with it by eating. Even after she passed away. I could not believe that clarity I had that night! Right there! So for me; that was my biggest victory. I was able to keep that in check and in turn loose my weight. And when I reached my goal don't get me wrong; there was a huge sense of accomplishment! But I didn't Feel different. I looked different. But I thought I was going to all of a sudden feel so good about myself. While I am happy and HEALTIER now..I didn't Feel different. The one thing I think God was trying to show me is He loves me no matter what. I had to learn that I wasn't going to earn anyone's love just from loosing my weight. Sound strange? Well I guess it is. I am so glad that I have developed healthier habits! I do feel better in that regard. And it is amazing to me that I "crave" those healthy choices too! I still want my chocolate! I still want fast food...every now and then BUT it is just not as often and I make better choices. Now my husband is doing the same program and having great success! So that is awesome! Will have to have some before and after pictures now of us together! Will work on that!


That is all:) Have a great day!

Weight Loss..can be tough!

So It has been awhile since I have blogged about my weight loss adventure. I was (stress "Was") doing great. As of last week I was down 16 pounds! Had lost 3 pounds last week...but then I traveled for work. And must have snacked more than I had realized. Really I thought I ran from the desert table! And I have been on a very strong antibiotic ( I have totally noticed I am ALWAYS hungry on those!!!). Oh and let's not forget all that Halloween candy...ANYTHING with chocolate it my weakness. And who's idea was it to do a late night White Castle run! Yeah...not good. So I should not be shocked to learn that I gained a little over 2 pounds this week! Urgh! So this next week, I am going to really stick to it, and just say no to all that chocolate..and well, a lot else too! The holidays are around the corner....yikes! Here's to hoping for a better week, no a great week!

Da Bears! And loosing weight

Well,  I gotta say, I am loving the weight watchers way! Friends who have done have said, there will be weeks you feel you did great and find you gain and weeks you feel you did poorly and yet you lose. That is so true! I am not down 10.2 pounds! Still going! So I am motivated to keep it up. trying to get more walking worked in. And more work outs sometime soon.

I have to tell you, the other night Jon and I went to the Bears/Packers game. Amazing! I know! He got invited by a company he uses for work. And we were just stunned we were there, sitting is a skybox at an awesome game! But here is the hard part, it was stocked full of food and goodies. I thought there is no way I will "not" gain as my weigh was the next day! I thought, I may have completely blown in! Then, it got "worse" at the end of the game. There was a knock on the door and a voice that said "dessert cart"...I went out to see...wow. The card was huge and had every kind of chocolate dessert you could see! I wanted one of everything...but then thought...I wonder if this is a "weight watchers" test! Maybe my WW leader was there hiding behind the dessert cart waiting to see what I would do and jump out and say "Weez! Stop! Put that down! Track your points!". So I went for at least a fruit dessert. Man it was amazing! What a "dream night". My weigh in the next day, of course my big concern...found out I had lost 2oz! That is pretty amazing...I had to take my shoes off to get the right weight!

So I am hoping for a great week!

Go Bears!!!

Frustrated...

So last week I went to my meeting, only to find I lost .4 oz. Really? After all that counting and watching what I eat? Glad to have found I was not alone. But I feel like I am at a stand still. Kinda frustrating. But I know I just gotta keep on counting points and eating correctly right? Sometimes I feel like in the winter that I am filling up on food that is not going anywhere, as if my body is going into "hibernation mode". So if you see stuffing food in my cheeks, totally kidding! I did get some great ideas for low point quick snacks at the meeting though! Trader Joe's has these chicken cilantro wantons. 5-6 of them are only  1 point! And I found some rice snacks there too that are pretty good! So that is groovy!


Well I hope to say that weight loss is on the way for me!


Have a great day!