Being Present

I had a pretty good week this week.
A few Dr visits. And a visit with my Dr I will not forget. A reminder that God is always at work and He just asks us to join us where He is already working. Everytime I step foot in my Dr's office; I am reminded that He is working. He is using her as a light. And I get to be a part of what He is doing in that office. Share His love. That is what drives me when I get discouraged that I am still visiting Drs after 8 months or so of being sick on and off. God has a great purpose.

I have just been so exhausted lately as Drs try to figure out why and how they can help. This week I had a friend who felt led to make sometime in her visit to Chicago to come and spend sometime with me. All we did was sit in my house. Pray and talk. And more praying and more talking. It may not sound like much...but later I realized what an amazing gift that friend had given me...the gift of just being present. I am so thankful to God for that gift. I had heard a sermon at church about that very thing last Sunday. And here I was experiencing that.Of course praying was amazing. But just being here; just being present was so uplifting.
I also thought that is what has been encouraging to me as well..my Dr has the gift of being present. That is a rarity with Drs. But I am thankful for that gift in my Dr.

Made me realize a few things. Am I present to my friends? And wow...God just wants us to allow Him to just be present. To acknowledge He is right here with us! He was reminding me "Weez...I am right here".
I really just am moved to tears to think of such a gift I received this week. Not only the that wonderful gift of friendship but that gift of being present. I love that God knows more what we need sometimes than we even know to ask for. Now that is amazing.

Discouragement and encouragement

It's Friday and that alone can put a smile on my face. Isn't funny how that one day can just allow us to step back and smile...it's Friday.

This is my first week of going down to part-time at work in efforts to try to get more rest. Trying to get healthy is hard work! Honestly--- it has been a hard week. I love my job. Love what I do...but I just can't do it all. It's hard when I am an "on-the-go" kinda of person and I have to think about everything I want to do and try to decide what realistically can I do. It can get very discouraging when you feel like your choice is kinda taken away from you. I get discouraged feeling I am just not "me" sometimes. Discouragement can really get you stuck in a place. But I love how God uses people to bring about the encouragement we need.
A friend sent me a note the other night with some bible scriptures that I needed to hear. And just this morning a friend messaged me on facebook to say she was thinking about me; praying for me. Bam! Like that...God sends encouragement! Makes me more aware that when God lays someone on my heart; I need to do a better job of responding. Encouraging as I know how much that meant to me.
Another great encouragement this week God allowed is my Dr just saying "Im praying for you". Those 4 bring so much encouragement. It's God's reminder "You are not alone" and "I have not forgotten you".

This morning I found encouragement just reading in my fave devotional "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. Says this " Go gently through this day, keeping your eyes on Me. I will open up a way before you, as you take steps of trust along your path. Sometimes the way before you appears to be blocked, If you focus on the obstacle or search for a way around it, you will probably get off course. .....Before you know it, the "obstacle" will be behind you and you will hardly know ow you passed through it.....My Presence enables you to face each day with confidence"... (that is a portion of the devotional from book)

Wow. Honestly...I sometimes focus only on my "obstacle" on this sickness...and I loose site of my focus on the one thing that will bring me peace ---Him. God. And I know He uses our "obstacles" for His purpose. It is a great reminder to me to get my focus on Him. And He is helping me to focus on Him. Just by that friend sending me a note today---those encouraging words go along way!

Sometimes I hear people talk negatively about facebook; or social media. But for me...I am thankful that it can be used for so much positive. My friend was able to send me a quick note. Made me smile today. Made me smile knowing God is thinking of me. He is thinking of you today too. Isn't that an amazing thought? So my friend I leave you with this today; if you feel led to encourage someone...they may really need that today. God may be using you to bless someone else and remind them; they are not alone.
Hebrews 10:25 "...let us encourage one another..."

I was speaking with a friend of mine. Talking about what has been going on with me in the last 8 months. She had a great idea that I should blog about this. So I thought why not! I do not know what journey God has you on; but be assured He will have you on one if you are not already. And there is always growth that happens when we trust Him even when things do not make sense.

For me this is the recent journey God has me on.

 Last February I had my annual bought with bronchitis. It turned into pneumonia and I was quite sick. Even when I was frankly a bit scared as I could not breath or barely get out of bed; I knew God was doing something. In the midst of that sickness God started really speaking to my heart. At church we were doing the "Experiencing God" bible study (great study!). The study really is a great reminder to us that God is always at work; He just asks us to join Him where He is already working. I had a few nights where I just could not sleep. I had such a heavy burden to pray for my Dr. She had been such a blessing to me at that time. God had just laid her on my heart and asked me to pray. So I did. He also asked me to pray for my wonderful nurses. One night before an appointment back in March; I really felt like God was wanting me to write a thank you note to my Dr. And tell her what a blessing she has been. And to give her some cds (I am very passionate about Christian music). And I felt like God wanted me to do the same for my nurse at that time. Honestly...I was a little fearful at "what would the reaction be?"; "what are they going to think?". But I knew I had to do that. I wrote my notes. Gathered the cds and went to my appointment. When I spoke to my Dr; she was so thankful. That is when we discovered we were both Christians. For me; what a great moment that God reminded me "Weez; you are not alone. I have provided a Dr who is seeking me..yes; you are not alone". We had a great conversation. I then was able to talk to my nurse. Say thank you to her. I realized---thank you God I was able to be obedient! What a blessing that day was for me!

It was a strange night that night. My breathing was very labored.  I remember feeling God speaking to my heart "It is about to get dark; but trust me". The next day I was in the hospital. I was nervous but I had remembered hearing that in my heart. So I thought there must be a reason God has me here. Of course the reason was to get me breathing better again! With the help of all the team; I was. Some answers came. A chronic breathing problem had been discovered. We just never knew about it. It is called Bronchiactesis. On a humorous note; because of this condition that was happening; I would get 3 words out and my oxygen would cut off. We started calling me "Christopher Walken". Hey; anything for a good laugh at a stressful time; is good by me!
What I am sharing you is more about what God has been doing and less about the very treatable health condition. I had some opportunities to share God's love with my wonderful team of nurses at the hospital. I started to realize; if I let God use this; He can. I started to pray; God use me. Use this for Your Glory. I remember telling my Dr in excitement "I get it! God has asked me to join Him where He is already working! and HE has been using you!". That was a cool "God moment!". That moment when you get a little picture of what God is doing.

So many night I felt like God was speaking to my heart unlike anything before. My prayer life was growing. I was praying for so many different people. I felt stronger spiritually then I had in a long time! I had a new saying "prayin as I am layin".

There have been many nights that breathing has been hard. Answers seems few and far between. I would do my breathing treatments and just listen to worship to focus on Him. When I have not been able to sleep--worship. I had such joy one day bringing in  stack of my favorite cds to the nurses and some of the staff. In case you are wondering; the cds I gave: Bellarive; Meredith Andrews Worth It All; For King & Country.

Here's a thought...God can use us as a light anywhere anyitme we are willing to be a light. I have to ask myself am I willing to be a light? His light? Am I willing to be a "medical missionary"? Pray for those Drs and nurses that He has placed in charge of my care? Yes and Yes. Now that makes this journey all a little more exciting. I tell myself that at the times I am so discouraged as physically I feel like half the person I used to be.

After March--I must have done too much. At that time I had pleurisy (painful infection if lining of the lungs). I was on bed rest for about 2 weeks. May came; my breathing was terrible! Thankful for sessions with a speech therapist to help me to breathe correct again (still getting there). I would start to feel better; then wam! Back down again. Exhaustion - well has become a familiar friend.
My Dr had given me a verse one day as I had asked her if she would pray. I have been standing on this: 2 Corinthians 12:9 "...My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness". I am so thankful she shared that with me. I have been trying to remember that everyday.

In and out of my Dr office; Pulmonary office; ENT office. To a voice specialist. All to help put Humpty Dumpty back together again:)
My amazing church had asked me to share my Story back in July. Via video. About my waiting on God. Well I have become familiar with waiting on Him so why not? I shared that story in August thinking I am on the end of this!
Only to get sick with bronchitis the next week. Knocked me down for a good 3 weeks. As soon as I got back up...I was hit again...still working on healing out of that one.
Yet I know God is in control.
Monday was a hard day...I got the news from my Dr that she wants me to take a leave of absence from everything. Pulmonary wants that too. But why? What is going on? All they can say is it can take a year to heal from this. I fought with her (in a civilized manner of course!). I know I have to do it. I love being on the air; Love my job. But I have to cut down. I have to REST IN HIM. I came home from that appointment and just cried....listening to worship. Hearing God speak to my heart "trust in me". God spoke this to me Isaiah 40:29 "He gives strength to the weak and increases the power of the weak"

Now we know my heart rate is elevated...so time for a cardiologist...why not add one more specialist to the list:) One more place that just maybe God wants me to go and share His love.
My life is changing. I know God is in control of it all. Its still so hard when things you love to do are stripped away. I know God is wanting me to trust Him. To keep looking to Him. To see He is in control of all of this. There are times when i am in tears thinking "God! All that I love feels like it is going away?"..then I am reminded that I need to rest in Him. I need to heal.
That maybe God is allowing all this to get stripped away as He is working into molding me into something new? Am I going to allow fear to control me? Or am I going to trust in Him. Fear can really stop us in our tracks if we let it. I am SOOO thankful for friends that are constantly pointing me to Him.
He is good and He wants what is the best for us; not what is just good for us. Not what we think we need; but what is Best for us. And I am sure when I am on the other side of this...I will look back in awe of all He has done.
My friend I dont know what journey you are on now; praying for you as you go through your journey. May God provide those loving friends that support you and help you to look up. May He remind you of His loving presence.
Well that is all (which is alot!) for today. Thank you to my friend that said maybe blog about your journey. Thank you for reading.
Here is a link to the video story I shared in my church.
Blessings,
Weez
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9btlbaKF9g

Wow! It has been too long!

I realized how long it has been since I have talked about my weight loss journey! So here is what I have to say; I love Weight Watchers! Plain and simple their plan works and it has worked for me! 44 pounds is what I lost! and I have been ABLE to maintain it since last May! Wooo Hooo! High five to me;)

I have to be honest and share some of my thoughts. I started this journey as one day I looked in the mirror in the summer of 2010 and realized I had gained a lot of weight! I had never really been someone that struggled with weight until I had my son about 14 years ago. BUT I did loose that baby weight. The first year after he was born. Bam! Back to my regular healthy weight. But HOW did I get to be 35 pounds over the healthy weight I should have been? It wasn't until that first meeting at WW when I was asked one on one by my leader "are you an emotional eater". I had never seen myself as an emotional eater UNTIL that moment! I remember seeing all these pictures in my head of me eating; me gaining weight. I knew what had happened in that brief moment! I had an older sister that had cancer...and somehow I had dealt with it by eating. Even after she passed away. I could not believe that clarity I had that night! Right there! So for me; that was my biggest victory. I was able to keep that in check and in turn loose my weight. And when I reached my goal don't get me wrong; there was a huge sense of accomplishment! But I didn't Feel different. I looked different. But I thought I was going to all of a sudden feel so good about myself. While I am happy and HEALTIER now..I didn't Feel different. The one thing I think God was trying to show me is He loves me no matter what. I had to learn that I wasn't going to earn anyone's love just from loosing my weight. Sound strange? Well I guess it is. I am so glad that I have developed healthier habits! I do feel better in that regard. And it is amazing to me that I "crave" those healthy choices too! I still want my chocolate! I still want fast food...every now and then BUT it is just not as often and I make better choices. Now my husband is doing the same program and having great success! So that is awesome! Will have to have some before and after pictures now of us together! Will work on that!


That is all:) Have a great day!

Weight Loss..can be tough!

So It has been awhile since I have blogged about my weight loss adventure. I was (stress "Was") doing great. As of last week I was down 16 pounds! Had lost 3 pounds last week...but then I traveled for work. And must have snacked more than I had realized. Really I thought I ran from the desert table! And I have been on a very strong antibiotic ( I have totally noticed I am ALWAYS hungry on those!!!). Oh and let's not forget all that Halloween candy...ANYTHING with chocolate it my weakness. And who's idea was it to do a late night White Castle run! Yeah...not good. So I should not be shocked to learn that I gained a little over 2 pounds this week! Urgh! So this next week, I am going to really stick to it, and just say no to all that chocolate..and well, a lot else too! The holidays are around the corner....yikes! Here's to hoping for a better week, no a great week!

Da Bears! And loosing weight

Well,  I gotta say, I am loving the weight watchers way! Friends who have done have said, there will be weeks you feel you did great and find you gain and weeks you feel you did poorly and yet you lose. That is so true! I am not down 10.2 pounds! Still going! So I am motivated to keep it up. trying to get more walking worked in. And more work outs sometime soon.

I have to tell you, the other night Jon and I went to the Bears/Packers game. Amazing! I know! He got invited by a company he uses for work. And we were just stunned we were there, sitting is a skybox at an awesome game! But here is the hard part, it was stocked full of food and goodies. I thought there is no way I will "not" gain as my weigh was the next day! I thought, I may have completely blown in! Then, it got "worse" at the end of the game. There was a knock on the door and a voice that said "dessert cart"...I went out to see...wow. The card was huge and had every kind of chocolate dessert you could see! I wanted one of everything...but then thought...I wonder if this is a "weight watchers" test! Maybe my WW leader was there hiding behind the dessert cart waiting to see what I would do and jump out and say "Weez! Stop! Put that down! Track your points!". So I went for at least a fruit dessert. Man it was amazing! What a "dream night". My weigh in the next day, of course my big concern...found out I had lost 2oz! That is pretty amazing...I had to take my shoes off to get the right weight!

So I am hoping for a great week!

Go Bears!!!

Frustrated...

So last week I went to my meeting, only to find I lost .4 oz. Really? After all that counting and watching what I eat? Glad to have found I was not alone. But I feel like I am at a stand still. Kinda frustrating. But I know I just gotta keep on counting points and eating correctly right? Sometimes I feel like in the winter that I am filling up on food that is not going anywhere, as if my body is going into "hibernation mode". So if you see stuffing food in my cheeks, totally kidding! I did get some great ideas for low point quick snacks at the meeting though! Trader Joe's has these chicken cilantro wantons. 5-6 of them are only  1 point! And I found some rice snacks there too that are pretty good! So that is groovy!


Well I hope to say that weight loss is on the way for me!


Have a great day!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

What is it about this time of year that seems to make you so tired?? I just feel exhausted all the time! I think it is getting back into the groove of school and fall in general. So even getting the time and motivation to write well has been a task on its own!


But hey, good news...last week at weight watchers weigh in I found out I had lost 3.8 pounds! That is pretty amazing coming out of the Labor day weekend! Although honestly I almost had to run away from all the food that was out at the family reunion cookout! I had one serving and would have eaten more had I not stopped and asked myself if I really needed that extra burger! So all went well!


Now for this week...well I will wait and see how I do. I gotta tell you, I know some think the idea of counting points as time consuming, and I would have been one of those people. But it is so easy! I don't have to think about it too much anymore. Simple way. I love that I can eat what I want when I want it but to remember everything has a point value. So it's all good in my book.


Now..I think I may sneak in a nap, this has made me tired again! LOL!

Put down the Zingers!

So I had gained a little according to the meeting the other night. Discouraged? Yep! You saw as I wrote about that. Yesterday I was walking by this big box of Zingers...without thinking I went to the box to get one and start eating! I stopped myself, thought about those Zingers for along time! THen I saw my friend Cheryl had sent me an email. She is doing WW too. She encouraged me (as did many others on facebook, man that helps!) She said dont eat sweets! IT was good timing too! Kinda funny. You may be wondering "Weez why then do you have Zingers in the house?" well I have a teenage son. So well he likes em in his lunch. I feel much better today. Going to use my lunch break to walk with my friend who is also doing WW. Well, good reminder, you can't do it alone! Thanks guys...and I will walk away from the Zingers, in fact I have a picture in my head of someone standing in my kitchen with a big megaphone "Weez! Put down the Zingers! Walk away from the Zingers now and no one gets Hurt"...Pretty funny picture! Whatever works right?

discouraged...

Well...I went to weigh in tonight at Weight Watchers. Expecting good news. I tracked all week. I got some exercise in and I drank water...so why did I have a slight gain? I mean is was like .4 but still it has bummed me out. I dont know what I could do differently. I am thinking that I need to eat a bigger breakfast and lunch and smaller dinner. Maybe I wasn't eating throughout the day as I was supposed to? Well I have to keep fighting...that I know! So I will just have to see what works better this week. 
I am just being honest, I am bummed. Especially when I was expecting a weight loss tonite. So that is where I am at on my weight loss adventure...a little discouraged tonight. Fight on. Right? I love getting advice, tips from people, so if you feel like sharing..well share away.

Still kicking!

Well...I am almost to week 3 of weight watchers. I am hoping I can drop some more pounds this week. I have noticed a strange thing happening...WW has a point system, you are allowed so many points a day determined by your weight and so on...At first I felt like I didnt have enough points for the day. The first 3 days, wanted to quit...now here is a problem..I am having a hard time eating so many points in a day? Very strange! I make sure I get those points, but hmmmmm...I have a goal to be at my 5% + goal by September 22. I am on track to hit that so that will be cool!

I have to tell you this story...While we were up in the Northwoods of WI last week my now teenage son and I had an interesting night. We decided to drive through the woods to go to Walmart. On our way I started to sing "Out in the woods there was a bear a great big bear a way out there..". Hunter - as usuall - asked me to stop singing as it was annoying him. I said I just want to see a bear! We hadn't seen one up there for a few years. Well we looked up ahead on the road and say a black blurr! I stopped and looked out my driver side window and right there, a car length away from me was a black bear staring at us! He was hugging the tree getting ready to climb. And we just stared at each other for what seemed hours (I am sure was seconds!) as I was feeling so much regret to not have the camera! Then the bear got down off the tree, just looked at us in the car, and walked off in the woods. IT was so cool! Note to self, leave a camera in the car!

Whoo Hooo!

So, I was on vacation, again in the Northwoods of WI on vacation. Just love it up there, but I realize when we go to the northwoods visit with family, I always am eating! No matter what! I guess my thoughts have been "hey you are on vacation! Eat whatever you want! Even if you are not hungry!". So I was a little concerned if I would be albe to keep up with the weight watchers plan. And with no computer, as I track my points on line, I thought this is going to be hard. But I kept track on paper. And watched what I ate. I even tried to stop myself and evaluate am I really hungry of just eating! IT was good! I kept track of what I ate! And I even went on a bike ride up there...about 5 miles 2 days in a row! That is great, for me! Look at the view! Pic above!

I went to my weigh in, expecting to see either no gain no loss or at least some gain. Only to find out, I lost 2.4 pounds! That is way cool! So wow, I surprised myself! Makes ya feel good ya know! Reminds me of jumping off the end of the dock into the lake at the cabin! You can't help but feel "Yipeeee!!!". I love to watch my son jump off and have such fun and joy doing that! Anyway I hope I can keep this up! Very cool! Ya know what is wild...I am finding that now I am not even thinking about the fact that when I want a snack, I seem to be going for the yogurt of veggies! Whoo Hooo!!!

Hopelessly devoted..to food

Ok I had to share this! Talking with friends tonight about my wieght watcher stuff. We were laughing at the words I thought of to a song from the Movie "Grease" let me tell you why. After the first meeting and I met one on one with your "Weight watchers Coach", she was awesome. She just reminded me of Olivia Newton John and I kept waiting for her to break into song "Hopelssley devoted to food"

Here are the words I have been picturing:

Guess mine is not the first heart broken
My eyes are not the first to cry, Im not the first to know, theres just no get over you
Hello, Im just a fool whos willin to sit around and eat for you
But burger cant you see, there's nothin else for me to do
Im hopelessly deovoted to food
But Now theres no where to hide since you pushed my fries aside, Im not in my head
Im hopelessly devoted to food...

My head is saying fool count those points
my heart is saying dont let go
Hold on to the end, loose another 10 for you
Im hopelessly devoted to food..


You get the picture. I hope you have a sense of humor. It sure cracked me up! One thing I have learned since I have been doing wieght watchers is man, I LOVE food! I seem to eat all the time! Now I am changing what I eat and thinking about what I eat...But man that song cracked me up! I had to share it with you all! Hope it can make you smile a little! :) I loved that movie!

Deep thoughts and weight loss

Well, today my niece Chelsea is if off to college. She has always been such a big help to me with work events, The Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walks. I know she will have a great time at school! Where did all the years go! last night we were all over at her house, and I was so proud of myself! I just had a half of a peice of cake. I wanted more. I wanted to eat even more later that night and I had to stop and ask myself "am I really hungry?" the answer was no. I just wanted to eat out of emotions. So glad I kinda figured my "trigger". Makes this weight watchers I am doing a little easier.

So tonight is my second weigh in....We will see. I know I need to get walking more. Once school starts I know it will be a lot easier to get out and walk. According to my scale, I am down 2 ponds! We will see what theirs says, funny how their scales, drs scales always seem different...hmmmmmm...

Weight Watchers still kicking!

Here I am Saturday. I have been closely following points now for 5 days. I have to be honest with you by day 3, I was ready to quit! Just didn't seem like enough to eat! But now I feel I am getting into the groove. I am a child of the 80s...remember the days of Pac Man, Zaxon, Galaga...oh yeah...Atari games! Well I feel I have to make this points system and game that I want to win. I like adding the points on line where it totals them up for you. Treating it like a game seems to work for me. So glad I am feeling more in the groove with this now! Pretty cool!
Oh if you all have any tips for items leave em here please! I found these 100% whole Wheat bagel thins (try saying that 10 times fast!) that count for 1 point. They are pretty good! My goal right now is to loose 10 ponds. Once I hit that, I will have another goal for 10 ponds. For me small steps is best!


Well have a good one!

Word out

Weeeeezzzzzz

Weight Watchers first meeting

Well, I have to say I was a little overwhelmed. I want to loose weight. I just keep asking myself can I do it and keep the weight off! The Wieght Watchers program - points program seems to be the most doable for me. So I gave it a whirl. Signed up and went to my first meeting. Man, I kinda felt like I was going back to the first day of school. Was a bit nervous...but it seems pretty doable. My nerves were put at ease for the most part. Now I now what i need to do, the next it just doing it! I will keep you posted!